The playing card theory.

I’ve always thought that everything happens for a reason and liked the idea that the universe gives me signs. These beliefs allow me to relinquish control in aspects of my life where I have none.

In the fall, on my first field visit, I found the corner of a playing card in the street. I took a picture to send to Jules––“thinking of you.” Last year, Jules introduced us to a game she likes to play with her family and friends where one person picks a playing card out of a deck and then another person has to guess the number and suit. Whether the game is pure luck or us tapping a greater energy, I will never know. What I do know for sure is how exhilarating it is when we guess the exact card correctly.

I posted the picture of the card on VSCO (my favorite form of social media because I’m really the only one who sees what I post), and it blew up with reposts. I was honestly shocked because it wasn’t a

particularly good photo.

It felt like the universe was screaming. "PAY ATTENTION".

Over the next few months, I started to find playing cards everywhere.

I asked my friends on Fulbright if they have ever found playing cards on the streets. I figured that I couldn't be the only one finding cards everywhere. I considered the fact that people play a lot of cards in India and since there isn’t a central waste management system everywhere, when old cards are thrown away, they end up in the streets.

“Do you all find playing cards everywhere?” I asked.

I received puzzled looks. They were: "Are you crazy? Why would I find playing cards in the street?" looks.

"So it's weird right, that I find playing cards everywhere?" I asked. My friends agreed.

As the weeks passed by, it wasn't uncommon for me to send unsolicited photos of the cards I found.

I found them while I was running around Delhi, on my way to yoga class, on my way to therapy, walking to the metro after my Ayurveda course, once I arrived in Kochi, and when I walked to my Scuba class. I'm sure there were other times too, but these are the most notable. There came a point when I realized that I found playing cards at points when I was doing things that were closely aligned with my identity and sense of self. So it began that whenever I found a playing card, or better yet, a few in one spot, I felt like I was heading in the right direction.

This year has challenged my intuition more than any other time in my life. No part of my Fulbright experience has been what I expected it to be. I've failed more here than I have in any other part of my life, and funks like that caused me to lose the trust in my sixth sense. Finding cards helped me regain my lost intuition. They seemed to remind me that even though life, growth, and success look different here, that doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong. The cards reinforced what I already knew: that I can and should trust my gut because, for the most part, it will lead me in the right direction.

When I felt a strong urge to be near the ocean in January, I didn't question it. The ocean grounds me in a way that no other part of nature does. Largely, the ocean is home to me, and I think that while living through such a turbulent time in my life, I needed the ocean to ground me.

I reached out to a few marine conservation organizations to learn more about their work. My goal was to see if I could connect my initial research proposal to marine conservation––it was a stretch, I know. For a few weeks, I didn’t find any leads. I had a few phone calls and email chains, but none of the organizations that I spoke to had what I was looking for––that is until I received an email from Positive Change for Marine Life.

Long story, short, I visited their Kovalam operation a few weeks back to shadow the implementation of their fisheries monitoring program.

When reached the field site, I looked down at my feet to see a playing card. I smiled, relieved, and felt the tension that I didn't know I was carrying in my shoulders release. I reached down to pick the card up and noticed another. After another second, I realized that there were playing cards everywhere. It felt like someone screamed "52 PICKUP" and threw an entire deck of cards in the air that were now peacefully strewn all over the ground. I was awe-struck.

This is the photo I took before looking up to see more and more cards scattered on the ground.

It felt kismet, like the cards were leading me here. After months of feeling like I was in free fall, with no direction, playing cards served as a guide that led me exactly where I needed to be. Since then, I couldn't believe how easily everything fell into place. I found a great place to live, a community of motivated people to work with everyday, another outlet to pursue my research, and a place that I can slowly begin to build a home.

My arrival here was a few weeks ago, now. I thought about how I hadn’t found any cards since then. Just like that, on a run, I looked down and saw two cards. A coincidence? Maybe, but I thought of those cards as another reminder that I am exactly where I need to be.

This post has largely been rooted in my aptitude for spirituality, but if that doesn't resonate with you, the cards can also be seen as reflection points. They give me the space to consider how I am spending my time, the decisions I have made and the ones I have yet to make. When I don’t find playing cards now, I notice and think about what I need to do to get back on track i.e. find more cards.

Playing cards have been my stepping stones, and I encourage anyone reading to find whatever that is for you. Those little things that you see, notice, or hear, that seem to whisper “notice me” because maybe those will prove to be your stepping stones––leading you to exactly where you need to go.